Alright, so last Tuesday I finally dragged my lazy butt to Mexico to check out those famous Mayan ruins everyone keeps yapping about. Packed my stupidly heavy backpack with bug spray, three liters of water (turned out I needed five), and this cheap knockoff Indiana Jones hat I bought online. Hopped on a rickety bus from Cancun at like 5 AM while tourists nearby were still puking from tequila shots.
The Sweaty Trek Begins
First stop was Chichen Itza – place looks like someone glued giant stone blocks together with magic. Climbed El Castillo pyramid stairs feeling like a baked potato under that Mexican sun. Halfway up my flip-flop snapped and I had to duct-tape it together like a caveman. Some local kid laughed at me but honestly, respect the ingenuity.
Weird Discoveries & Lizard Encounters
Next I wandered into the Temple of Warriors area where these carved snake pillars stare at you. Saw a German dude trying to meditate near the sacrificial altar – hope he doesn’t get ghost vibes. Suddenly this emerald green lizard zooms across my path carrying half a Dorito. Legend.
- Ball Court Shock: That ancient game where losers got sacrificed? The walls echoed when I clapped – sounded like dying jaguars or something. Creeped me out hard.
- Cenote Disaster: Tried swimming in the sacred sinkhole but forgot my trunks. Jumped in wearing boxers covered in tacos al pastor grease. Got glared at by fancy French tourists.
The Great Sunburn Debacle
Around noon I realized my sunscreen bottle leaked all over my backpack. Tried rubbing aloe vera gel on my lobster-red neck while squinting at the astronomical observatory ruins. Pro tip: Mayans mapped stars way better than I map sunscreen coverage.
By sunset my phone died from taking 500 blurry pyramid pics. Haggled with a taxi driver using mix of Spanglish and desperate hand gestures to get back. Survived on street tamales that may or may not have contained mystery meat. Worth every bite though.
Overall? Stones are old and hot, lizards are cool. Next time I’m bringing a portable fan and real shoes. Also maybe sacrifice-proof travel insurance.
